This weekends adventure was a little different, I took the weekend and went away to the cottage.
The cottage is located on Lower Paudash Lake just north of Apsley, ON. This weekend was more about relaxing rather than hiking adventures. I arrived on Friday evening and the weather was perfect. The boat ride from the marina to the cottage is about 15 minutes. Once we arrived at the cottage I got the tent set up. We didn’t sleep in our usual tent this time, we just used a small 4 person tent that was here. It was a lot smaller than what we are used to but Rosie and I enjoyed it to the fullest. Sleeping outside under the stars makes me feel the most at home. Friday night after dinner we went down to the lake and the kids swam and played in the lake. Listening to the splashing of the water and the laughter from the kids makes me remember my time at that age doing a lot of the same things, making memories. Friday night we sat by the campfire, making s’mores and chatting. It was a late night and we really enjoyed each others company.
Saturday morning I woke up, had coffee and needed an escape from the kids. I went down to to a part of the island where I could just be alone and sit on the rocks by the lake and journaled, read parts of my book and really just sat and contemplated my next moves in life. These last few weeks have been a great time for me to think about what I’m doing with my life. I have been spending a lot of time with an old friend and reconnecting in a way that I never thought possible. I am falling in love all over again with the friendship that we once shared. I know in my head it is a very slippery slope to head down but in my heart I know that it’s right. Spending time together and doing things that we both love deeply has been great, but I know things will never become anymore than just friendship. Too many things have been broken but I am grateful to have him in my life and will continue to do these great things together.
I am getting to a stage where a career change is necessary. I have been putting a ton of work into building this brand and coaching people to their fitness goals and one day hope to make this a full time job but for now I still need to keep a job to put a roof over my head. I have been with the same company for the last 10 years and it is now time to start thinking about what’s next for me. I have also been thinking a lot about the fertility issues I’ve struggled with my entire life. I’m almost 40 so if I am going to have a baby now is the time that I really need to put things into motion if it is even possible.
Spending most weekends away with Kaidence has really made me want to have a child of my own even more now than ever. I know I am a single woman, so having a baby on my own will be its own adventure but it is one that I have been wishing for my entire life. I am taking the steps forward alone to see if this life long dream of mine will ever be able to be fulfilled or if looking in to adoption is the answer. But rest assured, one day I know I am going to be a mom.
Once the kids found me in my quiet little spot, they made me put the floating water mat in to the water for them. They were out there jumping around and splashing and having a great time. We also put the kayak in the water and we all went out into the bay for a paddle. I even managed to get Rosie into the kayak and take her out for a paddle. I wasn’t sure how she was going to do because she does not do well in a canoe, but the kayak she was alright. I don’t know that she would sit long enough to go on a backcountry camping trip with me, but at least she didn’t try to jump out of the kayak.
While Kaidence and Chase were playing in the lake I was laying on the dock just listening to their banter and the splashing around. I sat out there the entire day. I even took a much needed afternoon nap on the dock. Being out here is so different than camping, here I feel like an afternoon nap is a necessity where when I’m camping, I always feel like I need to be on the go because I want to see everything. I journaled all day. I was really able to connect with myself in a deeper way being here and not having to worry about anything. Listening to the boats passing by and the waves crashing against the rocks is just so soothing to me. These are sounds that remind me so much of my childhood.
Healing my inner child has been a huge part of my journey. Not only have I been working on my physical health, my mental health has been a huge priority. I have been working with my therapist for months on getting to the root of a lot of my inner child issues and let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy. I come from a broken home. My mom left when I was a young teenager and I was raised by my dad. I am the oldest of 3 sisters and from a young age I felt like I was the one that needed to take care of them, but no one was there to take care of me. So now I am putting in the work to take care of myself for the first time ever. I am putting my own needs and wants above everything and just living my life the way I have always wanted to. Being single for the last year has really made me realize that I am so much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I can do things that I never thought possible on my own. I am becoming the strong independent woman I have always wanted to be but never knew how.
Just like in fitness and nutrition, these things don’t happen over night. It takes consistency in everything that you do. Having the right mindset will change your life. Discipline will set the standards for what you want. I feel like over the last year I have made huge strides in becoming the best version of myself. If it wasn’t for the break-up I don’t know that I would have ever found this woman. So to anyone out there that is reading this, believe in yourself. Believe that you are capable of doing the unimaginable. Believe that you can take on the world alone, and you will!
Like most cottage time, there was a lot of relaxing. We played cards, listened to music, played corn hole and of course had a fire at night. Kaidence and Chase were really good at keeping each other entertained. I don’t think they realize that the things that they are doing together now are going to make great stories and memories when they are older.
Just like every other weekend away this one was incredible. Next weekend we are off to Algonquin Park-Rock Lake. I will be going there with Kaidence, my step mom, my brother, his girlfriend and my camping buddy. So make sure you check back and read all about that adventure.
Happy Camping🏕️
Love,
Liz
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