It has been a while since I have sat down and wrote a post about my life. I have not been out camping yet this season and my life just seems to be "normal" for the first time in a very long time. I have now found myself in a positive head space. After what feels like a lifetime of battling demons from my past, enduring the heartache of a painful breakup, and confronting childhood wounds, I can finally say I've found myself in a place of peace and contentment. The journey to this point has been rough, filled with countless therapy sessions, introspective moments, and tears shed in the pursuit of healing. But today, I stand before you as a testament to the power of resilience and the transformative nature of self-discovery.
The road to self-acceptance wasn't a smooth one. It was riddled with bumps, detours, and moments of doubt. I often found myself questioning whether I would ever truly break free from the chains of my past, whether I would ever escape the shadow of my painful experiences. But through perseverance and unwavering determination, I pressed on, knowing deep down that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I came across a small business on Instagram and her slogan is "paddle your own canoe" and those words have stuck with me throughout this journey. Make sure you check out Canoe and Lake. Paddling my own canoe of life has changed me.
Therapy became my safe haven, a place where I could unravel the complexities of my emotions, confront the skeletons in my closet, and learn to make peace with my past. It wasn't easy delving into the depths of my psyche, revisiting memories that I had long buried, but with each session, I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I began to understand that healing isn't linear—it's messy, it's uncomfortable, but it's absolutely necessary for growth.
One of the most significant hurdles I faced on my journey to self-discovery was coming to terms with the end of a long term relationship. The breakup was painful, shattering the illusion of love and leaving me feeling broken and lost. But in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise—a wake-up call that forced me to reevaluate my worth and prioritize my own happiness. It taught me that sometimes letting go is the most liberating act of all.
Despite the end of our romantic relationship, my ex and I chose to remain friends. It wasn't an easy decision, and it required a lot of communication, but ultimately, we realized that our connection went beyond romance. We shared a deep bond built on many years of friendship before we dated and or love for the outdoors, and we didn't want to lose that. Staying friends allowed us to preserve the good parts of our relationship while letting go of the toxicity that held us back.
Childhood trauma has a way of seeping into every aspect of your life, tainting your perception of yourself and the world around you. For years, I carried the scars of my past like a badge of shame, allowing them to dictate my actions and cloud my judgment. But through therapy, I learned to reclaim my narrative, to rewrite the story of my life on my own terms. I realized that my past didn't define me—that I had the power to shape my own destiny. I read a great book called "The Origins of You" by Vienna Pharaon and it changed my life and way of thinking.
Today, I am grateful for every tear shed, every moment of despair, because it has led me to this place of peace and self-acceptance. I no longer allow the ghosts of my past to haunt me—I've set them free, releasing myself from the shackles of pain and resentment. I've learned to embrace my flaws, to celebrate my victories, and to love myself fiercely, flaws and all. I have found true happiness in the gym. Waking up every morning at 5 am and going to the gym has become not only habit, but a ritual. It brings me so much joy and anyone that knows me, knows that I am not a morning person. This new shift has given me more time in the day to do other things like write this blog or spend more time in the park with Rosie.
To anyone who may be struggling on their own journey to healing, I offer you these words of encouragement: You are stronger than you know. You are capable of overcoming even the darkest of days. And above all else, you are worthy of love and happiness. So, keep pressing forward, paddle your own canoe, keep fighting for yourself, and never lose sight of the light that awaits you on the other side.
In the end, it's not the scars that define us—it's how we choose to wear them. And me? I choose to wear mine with pride, as a testament to my strength, resilience, and unwavering determination to reclaim my life. Here's to new beginnings, to second chances, and to the beautiful journey of self-discovery that lies ahead.
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